Help Me Fill Mars With Fictional Places

Have you ever wanted to name a crater on Mars? Well, now’s your chance. Space Funding company Uwingu are allowing the public to name their own craters for future expeditions. Starting from $5, you can name a small, almost kilometre wide hole on the red planet. Or, if you’re really keen on craters, the large ‘Apollo’ ones go up to $5000.

You can see what other people have named their craters by browsing the map. Unfortunately, most have named them after themselves, which isn’t very interesting. Future space explorers won’t want to go trekking through ‘Owen’s Crater’ or ‘Sarah’s Big Hole in the Ground.’ They want exciting territory.

So, like how many people in my Facebook newsfeed have started chain statuses to fill Facebook with art, or predominantly, Pokemon, I suggest we fill Mars with fictional places.

As you can see, I’ve started us off.

Winter is coming to Mars.

This is exactly what future astronauts will be looking for. Exciting craters like Hogwarts, or Narnia, to explore. And what if one day we end up colonizing Mars? Even migrating there? Seriously, I’d much rather live in District 12 or Winterfell than Dr Nicole Hensen.

This is a public service announcement, and I’m calling you to arms. Help me fill Mars with fictional places. It’s not just craters, in a few months we’ll be able to name mountains and other territories as well. Hell, let’s go all out and name exoplanets too.

Plus, it’s for a good cause. The money raised, which could be close to $10 million, will go towards funding for space exploration, research and education.

Uwingo CEO Alan Stern hopes to name all the craters by the end of 2014, and he’s interested to see how it goes.

‘It’s taking a picture of ourselves,’ he said. ‘What will people put? Will there be a lot of craters named for politicians? For artists, for relatives, for places on Earth? Sports teams?’

Screw that. Unless your political crater is ‘Fuck Abbott,’ let’s stick to fictional places. We don’t want people looking back and thinking about what a bunch of boring, simple people we were. Surely a planet full of Emerald Cities and Privet Drives would give a far more sophisticated impression.

And don’t worry about double-ups, each crater is in a designated district, so you can name as many Hogwarts as you like. The more the merrier.

Seriously, guys. I can’t afford to name $10 million of craters, and I’m guessing you can’t either. Spread the word. Winter is coming to Mars.