Types of Flirting

We’ve all been there, we’ve been to clubs, we’ve been to bars, we’ve been to strange family gatherings, and house parties. Undoubtedly if you are a human being you have been flirted with.

And if you deny this because you are inhibited by a self-consciousness forced upon you by stigmatic peers, I can assure you, the art of flirting has been acted upon you. This article, however, may help you figure out why you did not realise you were being pursued by a person of your preferred interest.

THE AGGRESSOR

Sharp wit never goes astray. In fact, being able to deliver an insult in a way that will make your (future) beloved go weak at the knees is pure art and a difficult skill to master.

The best way to insult somebody in order to get them between your legs is to laugh lightly while you’re saying it and emit it as a challenge, let’s say you start with: “what, don’t you have any friends?”

In which your intended target will be alerted to your divine being and hopefully take the punch lightly on the chin, whilst wrapping an arm around you and replying “well, sweetheart, I’ve got you”.

Surely that is a thing that happens? I’m not too sure.

Unfortunately, I have seen too many incidences where people think they’re being funny-insulting, and they’re actually being horrible, horrible human beings.

Watch out for super aggressive pointing and raised voices. If the persons attention is completely on you, and they’re not punching you in the face, they probably want your face. So bear with them, they’re new here.

THE PICK-UP LINE MASTER

Ahhh, the pick-up lines. The worst and best kind of flirting. Pick up lines can either be the best, funniest thing you hear in your life, and they can be completely endearing and charming.

However, you must gauge how many drinks your intended has had. This matters.

Pick the mood of your beloved carefully. And even then, you may be playing with fire. A girl with a bitch-face on may crush your self-confidence if you try your hand at picking her up in this matter, or she may laugh and her eyes will glitter and you’ll fall madly in love like you never thought you would at an Irish pub.

THE SILENT GROPER

Silent gropers are the worst of the bunch. I’m not even going to attempt to be amusing or romanticise the idea of this style of flirting.

No one wants to be groped without first giving their permission.

If you’re the kind of person who likes to dance up real close behind people, put your arm around their neck at the bar or just plain grab their boobs/butt/crotch whenever you want, I suggest you choose a different style.

Try being a pick-up line master or something.

THE STARER

I think I’m just going to get it our right now, and while I like to believe I take a little bit of all styles of flirting into my alluring wit and charm, I definitely, far too often, spend my time at a party staring over my vodka-and-something just hoping to catch their attention and perhaps they will issue some moves on me.

I’m also going to get it out there right now that this is hardly ever successful. We need to remember that humans are scary and everyone is scared of each other.

Staring at someone from a dark corner of a room, will ensue they probably won’t see you at all.

If you like to believe (like myself) that my eyes are all I need to bring a man to his knees, and perhaps (unlike myself) this actually works for you on occasion. I suggest moving from the corner and to a fire, if available, nothing like flames licking at your skin to ignite flames between you and your one night stand.

To conclude, get out there and have fun whilst not making unwanted babies! And remember, no body is out of your league. If someone thinks they are out of your league they are a douchebag and deserve to be lonely.

Also, have I turned into an advice columnist? Too many Sex and the City marathons whilst hungover and regretful methinks.