Hello and welcome to another Monday where I’m still trying to figure out what it is exactly that I blog about, but I’m pretty sure from now on it’s going to be a social commentary.
Today’s article is about Tinder. One of the most awful, and hilarious apps I have ever graced my phone with.
If you don’t know what Tinder is, I’ll try to give you a basic run down. You sign in to an application that loads your Facebook photos, friends, and likes. And then you realise those 40 ‘I love cows’ Facebook pages you liked when you were 16 are now harshly evident.
Aside from that, you program your settings to your preference – 50 year old ladies within 2km? 18 year old boys within 50km? Whatever floats your boat. And then the fun begins!
Suddenly all the people within a 5km radius are funnelled into one little app on your phone, and with that, you have the power to swipe left for ‘ew no’ and right for ‘you’re hot but probably too hot for me’ and also right for ‘this will be hilarious’.
Can you already see what is essentially wrong with this?
THE EGO BOOST
Everyone starts Tinder well-intentioned I’m sure. After a while however, you realise there is probably a good reason why there are so many single dudes in your area, and there is a good reason you haven’t ‘accidentally’ bumped into them in the bread aisle at Safeway yet.
Then, as if butterflies emerging, the elusive hot guy (or girl) is appearing in your swipe-left fest. Now this person is probably a model, or goes to the gym everyday. And you know that whilst you’ve tried to make yourself as falsely appealing as possible, they’ll never match you. So, you swipe right regardless and then ping! You have a match, and hellooooo ego boost! This sexy tennis player with the sports car and pout thinks I’m hot, even opened with the classic, panty-dropping one-liner ‘hey’. And then you block them.
THE GOOD-GOD I KNOW YOU
I think one of the best parts about Tinder is seeing somebody you know. It’s like this dirty little secret. I now know you are asking girls to send you Snapchats of their boobs (probably), or that you’ve had some Tinder one night stands.
And it’s also one of the worst. There is the initial horror of knowing that they now know you have a Tinder account, and then is followed up by the following trains of thought: oh god do I swipe right for the lolz, or left because this is awkward as fuck and you’ve had a crush on me forever, or right because I’ve had the biggest crush on you ever.
I DON’T KNOW YOU BUT I KNOW YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND
Tinder’s nifty trick with generating mutual friends with people is also very interesting. I started having a friendly chat with a young man, until I slowly realised I knew him via association.
He has been in a relationship with the same girl for 7 years, has asked me to send him nudes on Snapchat, and admitted to being intimate with other women during that 7-year period.
Remember boys and girls – you may think you’re smart having photos of you that are slightly obscuring, but at the end of the day, if you’re a mad internet fiend/stalker like me, you’re not going to get away with it and your girlfriend is probably going to find out.
You’re also an awful human being.
WHY IS THIS COUPLE ON TINDER
Following on from this train of thought… couples who have Tinder?
GUYS THINK DICK PICS ARE HOT. THEY’RE REALLY NOT
Dick pics are so not hot, they’re not even appealing in the slightest. Okay, okay, I can’t really generalise for all women out there, but whenever my friends have received a dick pic in the past it has been greeted with a mix of shock, horror and hysterical laughing.
If we’re going to do swapsies, I want to swap a pic of my boobs for a dinner date thank you.
IS THERE ANYBODY OUT THERE?
After a time, it just seems that every guy who matches you is after one thing. Sex. And, in all fairness that is totally okay. If you’re down with that then Tinder is pretty helpful. But if you’ve signed in to Tinder to find some romantic dates, or lively conversation that won’t turn sexual. You probably have the wrong app. Or do you?
I spoke to a few of my male friends with Tinder. And whilst the majority have signed in to Tinder just to see what all the fuss is about, none of them admitted to using it just for sex. In fact, they almost seemed like they were genuinely interested in seeing what girls were about.
Unfortunately, like most internet dating, when these boys tried to be their honest selves, they’re met with no matches, or matches to silence. One even commented to say that a lot of the girls just reeked of desperation.
BRINGING HOME 4 OF YOUR TINDER DATES IN ONE WEEK
I think we’ve all fairly established that Tinder is an awkward, shallow dating site mainly for people after titty-pics. In fact, even old people like my parents are aware of Tinder.
So in saying that, I’m concerned when girls a going on multiple Tinder dates per week.
With any dating site, extreme caution must be taken with the whole ‘stranger danger’ aspect. And while Tinder is good as it loads mutual friends, sometimes it doesn’t. Even if somebody happens to be friends with someone you went to uni with 3 years ago, doesn’t mean they’re completely safe to be around.
Stories of girls expecting to be taken out to dinner, and met with a house full of this guys friends is not a safe situation. Especially when the general consensus of people using Tinder are using Tinder as a way to get an easy lay.